


Thirty Years

by AutisticWriter



Category: The Fast Show
Genre: Anniversary, Embarrassment, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Laughter, M/M, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 12:57:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8402572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: Ron and Tommy are amazed to find the whole studio have been planning a surprise to celebrate their anniversary.





	

“Now, let’s take an unfortunately very common step away from the action down on the pitch, to talk about something else,” I say, giving Ron a little glare.

He smiles sheepishly in reply, obviously knowing that I’m referencing him; Ron always talks about something unrelated to the question I asked him.

“What d’you want to talk about?” Tommy asks.

“Well,” I smile, and I point my finger to signal the bloke offstage, “I’d like to congratulate you, Ron and Tommy, on your thirtieth anniversary!”

The bloke hits the button, and balloons and streamers fill the studio. Tommy’s eyes have widened in shock, and Ron has started laughing as though he can’t quite believe what is going on. I grin at the pair of them, and reach across the desk to shake Ron’s hand (I can’t reach Tommy).

“Well, we didn’t expect this, did we, Tom?” Ron says, still chuckling. “Yes, this is a real shock, isn’t it, mmm?”

Tommy is still looking shocked. “Yeah, it certainly is. How’d you even know?”

I raise my eyebrows, pulling what I like to think is a mysterious face. “That’s classified information, I’m afraid, Mr Stein.”

“Bloody idiot,” Tommy mutters, grinning.

Ron is staring down at his clasped hands, looking like he is fighting back laughter.

“If nothing else, this is a good way to shut Ron up,” Tommy says. “I mean, he hasn’t spoken for almost thirty seconds.”

I grin. “I know. It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

“You’re not wrong there.”

“Hey!” Ron says, his voice shaking with laughter.

Tommy pats Ron’s shoulder, obviously trying to show that we weren’t being serious.

“Now, for those of you who don’t know,” I say, addressing the camera, “Ron and Tommy met in 1970, thirty years ago, when they were both in the height of their football fame, when Ron was twenty eight and Tommy was twenty two.”

The studio audience start laughing, and Tommy and Ron both bury their now very red faces in their hands, because two photographs have just flashed up on the screen to the left of our seats.

“Bloody hell,” Tommy mumbles; he sounds like he’s laughing.

The photos are of Ron and Tommy, back when they were footballers. Ron, dressed in his football kit, is jumping up in the air, his hair (styled in a mullet, something that makes Ron snort with laughter) flying and his face contorted into a ridiculous expression. Tommy doesn’t look much better, even though, as he was a goal keeper, his photo isn’t of him in a stupid position, but he also has a mullet and his hair is incredibly curly; I can certainly see why he has his hair short now.

“Anyway,” I say, trying to calm everyone down (someone in the audience is laughing so hard he has just fallen out of his chair, and one of the cameramen has stuffed his handkerchief into his mouth to stop himself laughing), “They met and struck up conversation. Even though they were on different teams, they became friends. And, exactly thirty years ago to this day, they became a couple, and they have been ever since.”

Tommy grins; Ron still has his head in his hands.

“What’s this for, eh?” Tommy says.

“Well, everyone else gets this sort of praise on their anniversaries,” I say, “so I thought ‘why not you two too?’ and a lot of people wanted to thank you for your work in tackling homophobia in sport, so we all decided to sort this out.”

“Well,” Tommy says slowly, smiling. “This is great. Thanks so much.”

“No problem, mate,” I say.

A man I vaguely recognise from the anti-homophobia thing I watched Tommy and Ron speak at comes onto the set. He’s holding a bunch of flowers and a gift bag. He hands one to Ron and one to Tommy and wishes them a happy anniversary. Several people come up, and soon Ron and Tommy are totally obscured from the camera by all of the presents.

As Ron and Tommy look at their presents and the card signed by the whole crew, both of them grinning broadly and even looking a bit tearful, I look back to the camera.

“And now,” I say, “back to the football.”


End file.
